It surprises me how many Bostonians have become Yankees fans. “What are you crazy guy? I hate the Evil Empire.” Ah, but I’m referring to the new Evil Empire: the New England Patriots. And they’re actually evil. Why are the Yankees evil? Because they pay a lot for good players so they have a chance to win the World Series. Well, they do have the biggest payroll, but guess who’s number 2? (It rhymes with head locks). So the worst thing the Yankees ever did was pay players a lot of money. The Patriots cheat, run up the score, and are overall disrespectful to their opponents and the league in general. Bill Belichick is a great coach, and a horrible human being. So thanks Bill, and the rest of Boston’s sports franchises. Now instead of hearing your fans whine about how they never win everything I get to hear how they’re better at me in everything and slept wit my motha last night.
And now this weeks picks. Last week I think I was 9-6, and I forgot to pick the Monday night game. I also forgot that Monday Night Football was once important in my life.
Houston (+2) over Denver
I’m glad to see the NFL solved the problem that most of America can’t watch games on the NFL network...by showing games no one wants to see. I wanted to pick the Texans last week and didn’t. I’m taking them this week, which means they’ll probably lose.
Cincinnati (-8.5) over San Fran
Remember when Cincy got good, and everyone thought they would stay good? So defense is important. They’re still better than the Niners.
New Orleans (-3.5) over Arizona
NO is on a roll and Arizona’s easy schedule hasn’t helped them yet. Wave to the Saints as they pass you in the playoff race.
Tampa Bay(-13.5) over Atlanta
When has Tampa ever been favored by 13? They’ve never had an offense. But the Falcons look like a fire alarm went off at the Special Olympics.
Miami (+3) over B-more
That's right, I’m calling it. The Ravens defense might shut the Dolphins out, but there are 3 phases to the game and they’ll find a way to lose one of them. This is also a great example of how many unwatchable teams are in the league (article coming soon).
Buffalo (+5.5) over Cleveland
I don’t know how Buffalo is winning given all their injuries, but Lynch helps, and I think their defense can keep the game within reach. Cleveland has had a nice year but I don’t know if they have the heart/experience. With all the teams fighting, a playoff spot is not a lock.
Green Bay (-8.5) over St Louis
No way this game is within single digits. Green Bay is good and the Rams are not.
Pittsburgh (-3.5) over Jacksonville
Yeah the Steelers got blown out, but they played a hell of a half. I thought they were gonna win that game at halftime. They better not have a hangover because the Jaguars are no joke, but I think Tomlin has his team ready.
New England (-23.5!) over NYJ
I know everyone thinks this is going to be ugly, which usually means it’s going to be close, but I can’t think of a way the Jets leave this game feeling like men. 49-0, Brady throws for 4 and catches another one (That’s right!).
Seattle (-7.5) over Carolina
I know everyone likes the Seahawks as the new good team in the NFC, but I don’t buy it. Sure they’re the best team in a horrible division, but they’re still gonna lose to the Vikings in the wild card.
Tennessee (-3.5) over Kansas City
Damn, Kansas City is bad. Weren’t they good not too long ago? Did I imagine that?
Indianapolis (-10.5) over Oakland
The Colts healthy can beat the Patriots, and last week they looked like they won a Superbowl last year.
San Diego (-10) over Detroit
Hey Kitna, why don’t you find something else to whine about. Every time they showed him last week he looked like someone just took his Dora the Explorer tiara. I haven’t seen this much crying since the Kings ALMOST beat the Lakers. “We should have beat them, so we’re really the champs.” Guess what, you didn’t, and that’s why the Lakers have 3 rings and you have none.
Philadelphia (+10.5) over Dallas
The Boys only beat the Lions by 1. You know what’s worse than a 1 point win: a 6 point loss. That’s now 2 games the Cowboys have won that they “should have lost” and none that they lost when they should have won. That’s the difference between teams fighting for a championship and teams wondering how they missed the playoffs.
NYG (-5) over DC
2 Giant wins in December is enough for me to stop picking against them. Collins looked good last week. but the Giants have something the Bears didn’t: Tape.
Minnesota (-10) over Chicago
I remember watching a Redskins Bears game where Orton was QB against sucky Skins QB number 8. I’ve seen episodes of the View that were more exciting. Vikings offense: 21, Vikings Defense
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