Friday, October 28, 2011

Occupy Friday Afternoon

In a recent article on slate.com Dahlia Lithwick argues the OWS messages can’t be tailored to news sound bites. The problems which the protestors are protesting are complex and diverse. The article included a link to a sign slide show, so I decided to go through the slides to see if I could shed some light on what exactly is being protested. As politics is always controversial I try to avoid them at all costs, but it’s Friday, and some of the signs are pretty ridiculous, especially after reading the article praising them.


Ok. Not so much a cause, but a clear statement of why she’s here. She should post up at the entrance as kind of an introduction sign.


A bit extreme. I’m not sure what greed has to do with fascism. I mean, I’m sure there’s a correlation, but saying anyone who wants more money is fascist isn’t right (some of your protesting buddies want money) and the number of fascists that play a significant role in the American economy isn’t that big. American conservatism is a long way from fascism.


I have a tough time supporting a guy who gave away secret government documents. Kinda sounds like treason to me. Admittedly, most of the documents leaked didn’t seem to threaten national security, but would you want all of your emails and text messages made public? Now imagine instead of your mom, boss, or significant other getting pissed about one of those messages it’s a country that can choose to either tell you where the bomb maker is or help him hide from you.


This could be an indictment of the job Bernanke has done, which is pretty harsh as he presided over the worst economic crisis since the great depression and avoided anarchy. Could also just be a face to use for the machine in general, which would make sense as that would mean this protestor wants anarchy, in which case Bernanke didn’t do a good job.


A fat joke. Nice. Not sure how constructive it is as he is only one of many fat Americans. And it’s likely unwarranted as Christie probably didn’t affect this person personally unless, of course, he is a New Jersey school teacher. And you’re not exactly slim yourself, Mr. Sign holder.


This is my least favorite sign. First, it’s obviously a lie. If she didn’t want us to look she would’ve worn close and not written something on her stomach. I’m guessing the real message is on her stomach, which is much harder to read than the clearly printed sign telling me not to look at her. More importantly, I DON”T WANT TO LOOK AT HER. She is what artists call not attractive. I’m having flashbacks of that uncomfortable Alanis Morissette video. Hey, I bet she’s around the protest somewhere.


Hand out, eh. At least it’s clear: give me something for nothing. Got it.


If I take this sign way too literally, it’s logically flawed. While all bullshit is shit, not all shit is bullshit. If this is read figuratively, then it’s just pointless, which is silly.


I like the offer to work together message this poster is sending, but it doesn’t look like that octopus is helping that shark. Looks cool, though.


No way that 2 year old wrote that sign. He is cute, though.


First Sign: 309,160,326 speak as one
Solidarity. I like it. Too bad, looking at all the other signs, it isn’t really true.

Second Sign: When the rich rob the poor it’s called business
Actually, business is when 2 parties agree to exchange goods, usually money for some good or service. I could counter with, when the poor rob the rich it’s called social programs, but that would just lead to yelling and divert attention from the falseness of this sign. Businesses make things. Things you like, like that cool smart phone or those jeggings you’ve had your eyes on.


2 points here. First is the fact that we’re involved in wars with no clear enemy. This is a result of being in another countries civil war as well as the fact terrorism isn’t a nationality. The second is that the enemy at home is clear. Except it isn’t clear to me. Is it anyone that has a lot of money? Or all bankers that make a certain amount of money. If anything, this sign underlines just how hard it is to define who’s to blame.


What job does this guy have where he can get fired for stating an opinion outside of working hours unless, of course, he’s doing it when he’s supposed to be working. In that case he’ll actually lose his job for not doing his job, not for having a voice. But hey, then he can protest losing his job because the economy was out to get him along with all his friends.


Hard to fight execs getting jets, since that’s part of the reason people strive and work to become executives (yes, it takes a lot of work to run a multinational firm) and it’s hard to call someone who gets a salary a slave, but point taken. this poster reminds me about the whole golden parachute thing, where execs get out and the employees get screwed. That should be addressed.


First Sign
Money? It has something to do with money, I’m guessing. You’re made of money? No, that wouldn’t make sense. You want money? That would fit in with the whole handout/entitlement theme. No, I think quarter face is saying something more. Money is the root of evil? I’m going with that. But where does money come from? The root of money is actually production, as evidenced by the fact national wealth is measured by Gross Domestic Production. So it would follow, then, that being productive is evil. So being unemployed is actually a good thing, so this guy has nothing to protest.

Second Sign
I heard a good piece of fatherly advice once: “You deserve nothing. Remember that.” Just because you expected something because other people had it doesn’t mean it’s actually yours or that someone owes it to you. Recessions suck. Adjust your expectations.


Pointing out the increasing gap between the rich and poor. Either that, or he wants a billion dollars for nothing. I’m going with the former as it is a pertinent point that it should be, at the very least, analyzed why the gap is growing.


People with money got it through murder. A little extreme, but it’s a drawing of a pig, so it doesn’t seem so bad.


Somebody got a humanities degree. Shocking he doesn’t have a job. But Diogenes was looking for any honest man, so limiting it to wall st. execs makes you only partially cynical, which isn’t fair to the corrupt execs.


The clearest point this sign is making is that Jesus was black. This argument resulted in one of the better posthumous 2pac songs. I don’t think the apostles had a health care plan, though, unless you count Jesus being able to miracle away any problem from herpes to lupus, and America can’t afford that plan. It also should be mentioned that, just as conservatives and bankers aren’t actually fascists, Obama and liberals aren’t actually Socialists.


I don’t know about 99%, but probably 96.5% of America can agree the Tea Party is a bunch of douchbags. As for taxing the rich, this article lays out why simply increasing the percent wealthy people have to pay isn’t a good idea. Rather, getting rid of deductables and raising the capital gains and dividend tax will disproportionally affect rich people, be easier to implement, and won’t discourage new investment.


Now this is a cause I can get behind. Not sure how big an effect bank fees have on the economy, but they are annoying. I suppose they also line banks pockets while making it harder for poor people to keep money in banks.


First Sign
Lots of money/skeleton motifs and they aren’t really consistent. Is the skeleton dead because it only cared about money, or did it die because it didn’t have enough to survive? Not really clear, but that brings up a point of the somewhat hypocritical message: Having money is bad (greedy bankers), but wanting money is good (unemployed). So it’s ok to want money, until you actually get it.

Second Sign: Tax Wall Street
Wall Street is taxed, via corporate taxes. Problem solved.


I’m going to interpret this as big businesses having so much power in DC through lobbying and campaign contributions. Valid point. Something really should be done to curb this trend. We don’t need any more lobbyists buying casinos.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Life’s a Journey (which is also a great band) Part 1

Not to be outdone by my friend at ThingsThatMakeGiselleLaugh I’ve decided to embark on an adventure week of my own. Now, empirical data has shown working out 5 times a week causes my deteriorating body to break down, inviting a host of lovely illnesses and a cycle of sick, recovering/getting sick, sick again that lasts for months. In an attempt to avoid another such medical odyssey while still managing to not catch up on Real Housewives of Harlem (The chicks are packed![skip to 1:15]), this week’s activities are a mix of exercise, mental stretching, and otherwise uplifting endeavors. Shall we begin?

God rested on the 7th day, which is actually Saturday, so the world population of Christians is misguided on at least one point. Who knows, there could be more. The point is Sunday is the first day of the week, not the seventh, which I celebrated by attending a Bikram Yoga class. For those of you who aren’t super yuppie or hipster or whatever group people who like things other people like are put in, Bikram Yoga takes all the uncomfortableness of regular yoga and puts it in a 102 degree room with 80% humidity, then speeds it up. So, for those expecting a relaxing meditative experience, this isn’t it.

In order to improve in your Bikram practice, it is recommended to attend at least 2 classes a week. So, naturally, I go about once a month. Every time I go it takes 2 to 30 minutes in I realize I’ve yet again made a huge mistake. My body stops responding to my orders and the act of thinking itself becomes more and more burdensome. At first I thought it was because I wasn’t hydrated enough. Then I wasn’t breathing right (if you don’t breath, you die). Now my theory is the whole not eating 4 hours beforehand leads to a dearth of calories and I don’t have the energy to last the whole class. We’ll test that hypothesis next month and, hopefully, I can make it the full 90 minutes without pondering whether a will should’ve been drawn up beforehand.

To celebrate cleansing my body of toxins, I dedicated Sunday supper to replenishing my body with new ones. An eclectic feast of corn on the cob, asparagus, swordfish, Wagyu (American version of Kobe) beef and peaches was seared on a familial grill and immediately devoured. The fact that grilling, similar to deep frying, makes all foods better was once again. If I had to chose one summertime activity for the rest of my life grilling just might be it. It’s easy (you can do it every day), it takes advantage of the warm summer weather, it can be cheap, there’s no travel required, and it goes well with beer. Vegetables are easy: salt, pepper, olive oil, grill. Fruit is an underrated grilling item. The sugar caramelizes on the grill. If you want more caramilization, add more sugar. And if it’s not sweet/alcoholic enough, a little amaretto marinade never did a fruit wrong. And then there’s the steak. Some believe fear makes meat taste better (that’s why lobsters are boiled alive, right?). But after tasting the flesh of an animal that has been fed beer and massaged daily its whole life, it’s succulently clear a happy cow is a delicious cow.

Sweaty Sunday was followed by Martial Arts Monday (Yes, all themed days must be alliterative). I first partook in a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. BJJ is what MMA fighters are doing when they’re on the ground and it looks like they’re just hugging each other. For experienced masters, BJJ is a slow, deliberate, chess match. For me, it is an unwinnable battle to keep myself from being choked or getting an arm broken. Despite its violent nature and the understanding I won’t be able to hold my own for at least the first year it’s a lot of fun. After every class I can’t wait to come back to get imperceptivity better. It’s kind of like a drug, including the headache the next day!

Next up in the deadly arts: Krav Maga or, as my roommate calls it, Jew-Do. Krav is an Israeli self defense developed by a Polish Jew trying to protect his neighborhood in the 1930’s. Later it was honed to be used by Israeli Special Forces. In other words, this is for people that have to defend themselves on a daily basis from some of the greatest world enemies in the last century. I will never insult anyone from Israel or has even visited there.

Krav Maga is currently my favorite pastime for several reasons. First, it’s practical. It’s like home owner insurance: Your house most likely will never burn down. You may never even know anyone whose house burns down. But you want insurance because if lightning strikes it would really suck if you didn’t have it. I don’t plan on getting in any fights or having a gun pulled on me, but if that ever happens I’ll sure be glad I spent years learning what to do in that situation. Second plus: It is an awesome work out. It’s not complicated. 15 minutes of some combination of running, jump roping, ab work, pushups, and lunges to get you nice and tired before learning how to make someone trying to hurt you regret their life choices.

As I currently have no tequila, Tuesday has no theme. But thanks to my well connected roommate, I got floor tickets and VIP parking to the The Mars Volta/Soundgarden concert. Fo Free. Definitely the best free show I’ve seen. I don’t know if it was worth the $120 they were charging for floor tix, but it’s hard to think of a 2 band lineup that would be. The Mars Volta was a little more subdued than I was hoping, but they did rock out on their closer. Other than the ripped faux-fro’d drummer, the whole band is skinny and awkward, which resurrected my hopes of being a rock star…until I remembered I can’t sing or and have no musical talent (single tear). 15 minutes later Chris Cornell and his Seattle friends showed up to remind people grunge wasn’t all as simple as Nirvana songs. I didn’t realize how many Soundgarden songs I knew until I was nodding along to half their set (didn’t know well enough to sing, but they sounded familiar).

Half way there (whao! Living on a Prayer). The ever present siren call of the fast food/couch/tv triumvirate looms larger as temptations mount, but momentum is a force that must be taken full advantage of as long as she shines her warm glowing warming glow upon you. Tune in next time to see what happens next. Same bat time. Same bat channel. (Warning: time and channel subject to change)