Thursday, July 14, 2011

Life’s a Journey (which is also a great band) Part 1

Not to be outdone by my friend at ThingsThatMakeGiselleLaugh I’ve decided to embark on an adventure week of my own. Now, empirical data has shown working out 5 times a week causes my deteriorating body to break down, inviting a host of lovely illnesses and a cycle of sick, recovering/getting sick, sick again that lasts for months. In an attempt to avoid another such medical odyssey while still managing to not catch up on Real Housewives of Harlem (The chicks are packed![skip to 1:15]), this week’s activities are a mix of exercise, mental stretching, and otherwise uplifting endeavors. Shall we begin?

God rested on the 7th day, which is actually Saturday, so the world population of Christians is misguided on at least one point. Who knows, there could be more. The point is Sunday is the first day of the week, not the seventh, which I celebrated by attending a Bikram Yoga class. For those of you who aren’t super yuppie or hipster or whatever group people who like things other people like are put in, Bikram Yoga takes all the uncomfortableness of regular yoga and puts it in a 102 degree room with 80% humidity, then speeds it up. So, for those expecting a relaxing meditative experience, this isn’t it.

In order to improve in your Bikram practice, it is recommended to attend at least 2 classes a week. So, naturally, I go about once a month. Every time I go it takes 2 to 30 minutes in I realize I’ve yet again made a huge mistake. My body stops responding to my orders and the act of thinking itself becomes more and more burdensome. At first I thought it was because I wasn’t hydrated enough. Then I wasn’t breathing right (if you don’t breath, you die). Now my theory is the whole not eating 4 hours beforehand leads to a dearth of calories and I don’t have the energy to last the whole class. We’ll test that hypothesis next month and, hopefully, I can make it the full 90 minutes without pondering whether a will should’ve been drawn up beforehand.

To celebrate cleansing my body of toxins, I dedicated Sunday supper to replenishing my body with new ones. An eclectic feast of corn on the cob, asparagus, swordfish, Wagyu (American version of Kobe) beef and peaches was seared on a familial grill and immediately devoured. The fact that grilling, similar to deep frying, makes all foods better was once again. If I had to chose one summertime activity for the rest of my life grilling just might be it. It’s easy (you can do it every day), it takes advantage of the warm summer weather, it can be cheap, there’s no travel required, and it goes well with beer. Vegetables are easy: salt, pepper, olive oil, grill. Fruit is an underrated grilling item. The sugar caramelizes on the grill. If you want more caramilization, add more sugar. And if it’s not sweet/alcoholic enough, a little amaretto marinade never did a fruit wrong. And then there’s the steak. Some believe fear makes meat taste better (that’s why lobsters are boiled alive, right?). But after tasting the flesh of an animal that has been fed beer and massaged daily its whole life, it’s succulently clear a happy cow is a delicious cow.

Sweaty Sunday was followed by Martial Arts Monday (Yes, all themed days must be alliterative). I first partook in a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. BJJ is what MMA fighters are doing when they’re on the ground and it looks like they’re just hugging each other. For experienced masters, BJJ is a slow, deliberate, chess match. For me, it is an unwinnable battle to keep myself from being choked or getting an arm broken. Despite its violent nature and the understanding I won’t be able to hold my own for at least the first year it’s a lot of fun. After every class I can’t wait to come back to get imperceptivity better. It’s kind of like a drug, including the headache the next day!

Next up in the deadly arts: Krav Maga or, as my roommate calls it, Jew-Do. Krav is an Israeli self defense developed by a Polish Jew trying to protect his neighborhood in the 1930’s. Later it was honed to be used by Israeli Special Forces. In other words, this is for people that have to defend themselves on a daily basis from some of the greatest world enemies in the last century. I will never insult anyone from Israel or has even visited there.

Krav Maga is currently my favorite pastime for several reasons. First, it’s practical. It’s like home owner insurance: Your house most likely will never burn down. You may never even know anyone whose house burns down. But you want insurance because if lightning strikes it would really suck if you didn’t have it. I don’t plan on getting in any fights or having a gun pulled on me, but if that ever happens I’ll sure be glad I spent years learning what to do in that situation. Second plus: It is an awesome work out. It’s not complicated. 15 minutes of some combination of running, jump roping, ab work, pushups, and lunges to get you nice and tired before learning how to make someone trying to hurt you regret their life choices.

As I currently have no tequila, Tuesday has no theme. But thanks to my well connected roommate, I got floor tickets and VIP parking to the The Mars Volta/Soundgarden concert. Fo Free. Definitely the best free show I’ve seen. I don’t know if it was worth the $120 they were charging for floor tix, but it’s hard to think of a 2 band lineup that would be. The Mars Volta was a little more subdued than I was hoping, but they did rock out on their closer. Other than the ripped faux-fro’d drummer, the whole band is skinny and awkward, which resurrected my hopes of being a rock star…until I remembered I can’t sing or and have no musical talent (single tear). 15 minutes later Chris Cornell and his Seattle friends showed up to remind people grunge wasn’t all as simple as Nirvana songs. I didn’t realize how many Soundgarden songs I knew until I was nodding along to half their set (didn’t know well enough to sing, but they sounded familiar).

Half way there (whao! Living on a Prayer). The ever present siren call of the fast food/couch/tv triumvirate looms larger as temptations mount, but momentum is a force that must be taken full advantage of as long as she shines her warm glowing warming glow upon you. Tune in next time to see what happens next. Same bat time. Same bat channel. (Warning: time and channel subject to change)